self-talk @efanny's

03-1446 without T...

ive just returned from a fren's hall....

when i got into my room, i saw something on my table. its a plate dat saes: BEST BUDDY & ROOMIE....DORLING!

with 2 gals holding hands, in front of a house with our room number.

n i started to cry...cry...non-stop...

my roomie, Tracia has moved out today. leaving me with her food, cleaning stuff, hangers, and dat beautiful plate.... n tons of sweet n unforgettable memories.

ive wanted to update my blog today thanking her for being such a blessing n all, but she updated hers 1st. n i was SO touched by wat she wrote:

"I do feel a tinge of regret after making the decision of moving out of hostel. There's something that can't be explained why i want to move home yet at the same time, it's rather cruel of me to leave my room mate alone in the room and i was quite afraid that the friendship will dampen.Although, it's only two to three months, i feel really close to my room mate, liken to a sister, always there for me. when i was down with food poisoning, she had to suffer with me, waking up at night, staying with a 'vomitting tracia' and bringing me to the doctor. Got a cut and had to make dorling go to the doctor with me in a 'not dorling state'yet again. When i realised i lost my sandals one not so fine morning, i woke her up and she couldn't get back to sleep anymore.so many little and big problems...i feel jus like a naughty troublemaker.But i had real great fun, the nights of chatting and being crazy; sharing of our problems and little secrets...I guess i got to experience hostel living in a different way...getting to know my friends better. Not everyone can have such a amiable relationship with their room mate."

n now e plate. making me so overwhelmingly touched. now i know why dat tym she took e name card from e handpainted ornanments gal at e bazaar n refused to tell y she took her name card for.

gal, u know wat? joel said she feels i love u alot. n u know wat? i reali do...

THANKS for always being there for me, an attentive listener, a caring comforter, n a sweet fren. i NEVER felt i did more for u than wat u did for me. in fact, i think its e other way round. me sometimes eating ur biscuits, borrowing plaster, panadol, n etc. i never know how much i'll miss u. cos when u went home on weekends n i was alone, i never felt lonely. it is only yest i realised its b'cos there's always dis unconscious anticipation of u being back by mon. but now, it hits me fully that i cant anticipate anymore; cos u wont be coming back... n e room is so different...without u...

i wont have e chance to be "boo!" by u again after shower, tease u in ur nightgown n crack lame jokes early in e morn...go fill bottles n do laundry in 'ah sam' attire together, talk abt our day n all sorts of whatnots, getting to know u so well i feel like ive known u all my life, hearing u go 'eeks!' n e look of disgust on ur face whenever u smelled my ginger tea( teh haliah), n saying goodnite to u everi nite b4 i sleep. n so many, so many other happy moments dat seem SO part of daily life, but dat will hardly or wont come by anymore...

yes, u r still around in sch, its not that i wont see u anymore...but its not e same. im not living with u anymore. n i feel like ive lost something.

u know? u r such a BLESSING that GOD had planted so miraculously into my life. e way we got to know each other, e way we became roommates, within 10 mins of knowing each other. i never have any other roomie b4 u, but i know u r one dat ive gotten so close to, n whom i reali treat like a sister rather than just a room co-sharer.

i know u have ur reasons for moving out, n dis post is not to make u feel guilty or anything like dat. i just wanted to tell u how much u have meant to me, n how much ur little acts of love n concern in the last 2 n half months had always touched me. i oso want to let u know dat although we r not roomies anymore, u r still n always my sister, whom i treasured n will continue to cherish n love. may GOD continue to sustain n flourish this beautiful, beautiful frenship we have.

meanwhile, i guess it takes time for me to accustom to a strange, tracia-less room.

cos as i type this, n i turn back to take a look at her side of e room that is all bare n empty, my tears drop again....

posted by efanny @ 1:43 AM