God,
I love you.
Many times, I am distracted.
But God, help me.
I want to be faithful, faith-filled and focused.
That's why I chose my email as fcuboid.
I like him, God, I really do.
But importantly, please help me love him. I really want to, with all my heart.
The way you called us to love.
I can sense Your leading in my life.
God, thank You. I'm so glad You are in my life.
Now, all it requires is obedience, with faith.
With understanding that the outcome is not in my hands.
Whatever it is, I give thanks.
Continue to light my way, even as You refine the runner.
May this be a daily prayer and decision.
PS: Thank You for the answered prayer. I said it in my rare bursts of childish honesty, but God You make it happen. I'm a little overwhelmed, I don't really know what's going on. But God, I just want to take it as it comes, with the Holy Spirit guiding me. =)
I've decided. for about the 6th time, if I'm not wrong.
But I think writing it down will help to strengthen my resolve.
I cannot afford to tamper with your faith by accepting your attention, when the one that you need most in your life right now is not me.
And I cannot afford to accept your attention cos I know too, in the depths of my heart, much as I'm attracted to you, that you're not the one I'm looking for.
I don't want to be unloving. I don't want to hurt you and then despise myself.
God, please help me to love him as You do. And please do not tempt me beyond what I can bear.
As per title. So drawn, yet afraid.
You're moving my heart, could you be?...
Im not sure, I think you aren't too.
I shall know my heart's whisper next week.
Whether its a beginning, or an ending, we'll soon know.
next week.=)
Its strange how I get over it so much faster...
Im still trying to figure out why...
But God, I thank you, cos You're really the peace that guards my heart, my help in times of need.
Anyway, unto another topic. I had a quarrel with my sis today. For the rest of today, I tried to figure out what communication is all about. It seems like sometimes its really not about how hard you try, to a certain extent how the person wants to percieve your intentions are already set in his/her mind. You may be smiling and the person may think you're gloating; you may be trying to keep your voice even but the person may think that you're trying to work up a silent temper.
So in this case, I thought I was calm and just trying to figure out what resulted in the clash of timing. But my sis percieved it as that Im accusing her. And well, there you go.
Anyway, I flared up and yelled back. shucks and sianz. Later, I chose to ignore all her smses, which I know would most probably contain just a tirade of verbal abuse that I don't see the need to subject myself to, and compete who can be more hurtful. The delete button was handy.
Im still struggling. I don't feel like saying sorry at all. I still don't think its my fault. Im holding on to my right selfishly, yes.
Still waiting to be convicted by God to humble myself and reconcile. But God, honestly, its hard.:(
Haha. I just can't get into the habit of bloggin at the end of the day.
So yup, Im gonna blog abt yesterday again.
Was a long day, but my kids were really cute. I was trying to teach them the value of balancing work and play, so we did this worksheet on recording the no. of hours they spent on each activity such as working, playing, etc.
They gave funny answers like, "I play only 1 minute a day", and "study 12 hours a day" etc. And I thought, either kids have no life nowadays, or they like to exaggerate the amount of work they do. haha. oh and of course there's also the 3rd possibility; that is, they had no inkling how long an hour or minute is. So I got them to count from 1 to 60 to get the idea. But they insisted they play only 1 minute a day. lol.
So in the end on the column of "What I have learnt", I taught them the good old saying of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", and I got them to substitute their names and gender into the saying, like, " All work and no play makes Desmond a dull boy" and "All work and no play makes Rachel a dull girl", and they really enjoyed that. In fact, they would plead for me to say it out loud, and they get such a laugh out of hearing it aloud. lol. Kids are an easily happy bunch of ple.
There was a networking session after school. So we went to Nan Chiau Primary, and was welcomed into this room that has been really nicely decorated. The room is dark with light sticks, streamers and balloons, nice music in the background, and ple wearing paper crowns. It feels like a Christmas party one would hold in the nineties. haha. a tad cheesy but comfy.
So we played games. And more games. haha. and Eat and eat. There was a game where we have to construct a model of our ideal school, and the model has to be mobile. Reminds me of the tent-making game we played during ACTSCalibre.
So in the end, we 'built' a school using 2 of our guy colleagues as part of the structure and we came up with this:
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Haha, cool right? I quite like it. lol.
After that, was straight to PS for DMM, where we did not discuss what we set out to discuss but talked abt something else impt. Which I felt was crucial and meaningful. Getting late for GAP, so we scuttled off to America Rm at Nexus.
GAP was refreshing for me, where God spoke to remind me what He's been speaking to me for the past few days. About renewing my mind, being others-centred, and giving the rightful throneship to Him. So yup, was refreshed:)
Went for prata after that with some of the ple, but was really tired to say anything. Whole day had resolved to enjoy the ple and things put my way, and I see that the choice to do so, to cherish everything and everyone God has made to pass my way was really good and uplifting, but towards the end of the day, the old me, surfaced. Where I just want to sit there and do nothing. haha.
Change is a gradual thing. I shall be patient with myself, and patient in seeing how God will change me. It is prideful to think I'll be able to change certain habits of lifestyle and intercation within a short period of time, when I have invested the last 20 years in cultivating and feeding them.
But by grace, through faith. Yes, it shall be done.:)
PS: And this is one of the very rare 'narrative' entries of mine, instead of one filled with abstract metaphors. So others-centered. haha!
Always in love with all things bright n beautiful, all creatures great n small. All things nice n wonderful, my Saviour made them all. Beauty touches my heart, my soul. A faith filled spirit brings life to my body. Thankful always, loving always...:)
im veri 100% virgo, so watever u read abt virgo, its me lor...veri proud to admit my poly nickname is ah siao( courtesy from poly kaki- linda, minghui or da?)...a compliment okie to be known as dat...likes to bio yandaos alot(esp with xuelin cos taste sama sama), likes to talk abstract not cos im chim, its cos im blur haha...likes to laugh like mad with shan,shop like mad with shirley,make minghui laugh like mad, n tease sijie like mad..madly in love with GOD, n yah loves to go ktv like mad with other ktv mad kakis...haha;p also madly blessed by eileen n jonaphine, another 2 siaos...find that u dun know what im actually talking abt cos u duno who e abovementioned ple r? well, thats me....strictly private n dun believe in having hundreds of hi n bye frens. come on, life is time not enough..;p
