self-talk @efanny's

To cry is bliss

im now listening to e 2nd track "xia yi ge yong yuan" in Jeff Chang's Chang newest album...i dunno how mani times ive listened to dis album esp this song since my sis bought it...im SO mesmerised... check out this cd frens, u wont regret...i recommend track 5 too -"xiang wo de li you"...if u need a tearjerker, feel free to fill ur ears with these songs...have a generous dose...

i forgot...jay chou's new song "jie kou" is another...pls cry ur heart out with this one...

n if u're a christian, pls include "let YOUR Spirit come"...esp when u r real tired at heart and seek rest...

Im having a cry fest recently...i do sincerely invite all dear frens to join me....go ahead...

I know frens, u all must be thinking, "ah siao is really siao this time..." n maybe i am. i havent cried this much since my Winter Sonata craze ( i know u all rather call it obsession) in poly yr 3...

im getting so good at it; i can cry within 2 mins now...haha...

im HAPPY- i feel ive adapted well to a few changes in my life now...i love my brothers and sisters and my church. n im getting along great with them...i enjoy my new frens' company...they're different, yes...but i love them too...i love my roommate, n my room- its become so pinkish n homely despite my ungifted decorating attempts....im getting to know ppl in my english course better...n i find them more n more adorable....ive my laptop now...n im pleased with it...n i enjoy thoroughly e feel of my canteen at nite...

im happy...but y am i crying?

i guess its what they call 'suppressed feelings' in chinese...when ive a moment of silence...when im alone in e room...when im so sick of my assignments...i turn on my fav music...i read e bible n related books...i look around my room...n i cry...

missing my frens...i just cant help it. just from looking at e photos ive put all over e study desk...i reali miss them...i miss e support they give always...i miss e fun n laughter i had with them...i miss e times when we all did projects, had misunderstandings, were strez but we all stuck it out together...i miss everything about them...i feel veri guilty dat i seems to not have time for them, n other frens now:( jus to ask how they've been, to give them when needed a word of comfort over phone or in person,to laugh over lame jokes n idle talk...

i miss my sis's whining, i miss my mum's blurness n bittergourd soup...i miss watching tv....

my life is so absorbed...i dun even feel like im living in Singapore, i feel like im just living in NTU, as if NTU is a country by itself...sometimes e work n just e feeling of being "cooped' in dat unescapable environment gets to me... like my fren puts it- "living in a jungle, outta touch with civilisation"...im so oppressed, i just feel e need to cry...

sometimes in e midst of actively reacting and adapting to changes in ur environment, u neglect how ya feeling inside...but when u r outta ur life's action n its mechanisms for a while....u look inside...n u feel tired...its not dat u r unhappy...jus dat changes do wear ple out...n i feel time is jus not enough now...for a lot of things...n u miss e prior phrase in ur life, esp if its an enjoyable n memorable one...

so i cry. just to let all out. n i feel so much better after that...im thankful that GOD gave us this ability to cry...e ability is there for a reason. i cry, i pray. n im much much happier.

u feel tired too? please cry. n tell me abt it...i'll pray for u...GOD will give you rest...

take care!!

posted by efanny @ 2:12 AM