self-talk @efanny's

love is but passing smoke?

its quite late now...im enjoying this temporary illusion of "ive nothing to do"...

ive just come back from a veri happy n fun session of fencing, had some enjoyable rottalk with my fren on mahjong, n did a test on how to differentiate genuine n fake smiles: 16/20. hmm, i guess dat makes me an expert in discerning sincerity? haha...

i was happy, but now im sorta feeling sad?

i was reading my fren's blog n i saw she's actuali quite sad...it isnt easy, isnt it? to want to forget a person, n throw a large chunk of memories away...it just cant be said n done...its a long process of fading e person n memories out...n my heart went out to her...actuali quite xin tong to see her still upset after so long...i wish e guy will make her happy either by giving her a future or just leaving her alone...haiz...but humans r not always reliable, aren't they?

was readin another guy's blog...seems like the gal chose someone else over him in the end...n to be reali irritating, i must say: i see it coming, 100%. n i decided to stop reading his blog. cos i find myself getting increasingly...to be veri honest, disgusted with him. from annoyance to disgust. just from blog entries. if its someone else, i'll express sympathy. but i think he seriously needs help...2 learn to grow up to be a man of his age...n not just trying to be a egocentric someone with his whimsical ideals...n yet thinking "its e world who dun understand him."

human love. im getting to a point in my life, where more strongly than ever, im thoroughly convicted i will never get involved with a non believer or a shaky christian. its just not worth e trouble n pain. it saddens me to see the love stories around me...with unhappy endings. i think if a person tries to look for love in another human, he/she will never recieve perfect love. how transitional n undependable human love can be...

i rather be firmly grounded in GOD' s love. i guess relationships r reali not on my list now. i'll grow in HIM now...giving HIM my best, i hope. there r temptations ard...but i must focus on HIM...:) if i ever get into a relationship, it must be someone who loves GOD...only then will he try his best to love, i think...

how mani times in e past ive been tempted by butterflies, oni to realise sadly, they do nothing but flutter aimlessly? ive even considered a guy,thinking that it seems he reali likes me, n i sorta wavered n think maybe i should give him a chance since he's real nice even though he's a non believer n i dun like him in dat way. however, it turns out his 'love' is apparently quite transferable. hmm...i still treat him as a good fren n think of him as a good guy, but i guess i will never think of him in e same way again...

i thank GOD for always showing e way...

posted by efanny @ 1:09 AM