Does a song set ur mood for the day?
Actuali, i dun like Jolin Tsai. but ive to admit sheepishly, i like most of her songs.
not e one dat advocates plastic surgery, nor dat one that tells gals to 'chase' after e guys they like.
its those sad, slow numbers. it makes a person want to cry, even if he/she doesn't have any relationship problems at e moment.
those talk about helplessness. n the realisation of "what's lost will not come back."
actuali, most of chinese pop is about that. as pete puts it," why do chinese songs all sound so sad?"
there u go. not only e lyrics. it even "sound(s) sad." even the tune n e voice is sad.
im not veri sad rite now btw...just a tad. n reflective. it happened dat ive read lin's blog earlier on, n it was playing Jolin's song....
im listening to Wilbert Pan n Yida recently. e former crazy n funny, e latter intense n brooding. n i mean their brand of music, not their persona. both r nice n very much to my taste, but sometimes, i think we need more of the former for laughs...:)
running out of time, n i haven even started to blog e actual thing i wanna share...
i'll come back to blog about it later...:)
It is so difficult to be nice all e time
n to show e reality of dat, i can't help but have a bitching slugfest now. well, since "bitch fits"(bf) are made oh-so-in now by the movie "White Chicks."
i just checked e dictionary for the exact, no-doubts-about-it-being-ostrich-or-turkey's-relative meaning of 'emu'.
it says: E"mu\, n. [Cf. Pg. ema ostrich, F. ['e]mou, ['e]meu, emu.] (Zo["o]l.) A large Australian bird, of two species (Dromaius Nov[ae]-Hollandi[ae] and D. irroratus), related to the cassowary and the ostrich. The emu runs swiftly, but is unable to fly. [Written also emeu and emew.]
now, why did i do that? no, i din decide to drop freaking ELang n Lit n plonk myself into Science. its just to check what my sweet ol' fren's bf choose, oh so aptly, to describe himself.
so ironical...look! boyfren(bf as well) causing me to go into e rarest bitch fits(bf)!
anyway, so humble of him, to call himself an emu even though it was in context of an angry, sacarstic n try-too-hard retort from him, in response to my straightforward n wanna-hug-n-sayang-her consolation to his galfren, my sweetest fren.
at one part of my consolation, i said "if he reali loves u, he will FIGHT for u. all i see always is how he takes FLIGHT at e slightest trouble in ur relationship."
im sorry. i take dat half-back. in respect of his decision to consider himself as a non-flying fat bird called the EMU. so he doesn't "take flight". he just run................................... as seen from the earlier dictionary defintion.
a tad less glam than how i wanna view him. but i respect human rights.
he also said something that effectively said im a meddling poker, who shouldn't think she is a see-it-all smart aleck. well boy, if my fren is not shedding tears cos of u, i can't care less. n instead of trying to defend ur a*s, y dun u try to silence me with actual, tactile actions? dat u will give her a future?
if u do dat, i gladly take back all sorts of dagger-like comments dat ever came out of my mouth about u. yes, i'll perform this sort of sword-swallowing act if u can make her happy. for life.
u r rite. "There is also pressure, from the family to sometimes, the man on the street."
SO, if u cant take e pressure, y did u go into a relationship in e 1st place?
im sorry. just need to remove this distaste in my mouth, by spitting out "venom." just like wat u describe my comments as.
I am not a bimbo!
*sigh* this is what my fren called me today.
im too tired to blog with angst...
i was mildly amused though...
he laughed n said that when i whipped my mirror out...yes gals, i see the giggles n ur speech balloons, "aiyo, her n her mirror again!"...but i LOVE my mirror...haha...
anyway, he justified his claim at my resemblance to e ang mo brainless airhead with my blond hair (haiz, machiam scarecrow nowadays) , fair skin, liking(ok, u rather call it obsession, i'll humor u) for all things pink, n this knack to match my possessions in all shades of pink as well...
what the...now i rather be called an ah lian...
haha...
eh please lah, i like pink yes...but not only pink, n not all things pink...n im certain i have matter n fluids in my head that quantify n qualify as brains!
i regret my hair...that i admit...it will make a scarecrow envious...i'll do something to it...please give my hair some time to rest b4 i dye it green...
n to the millionth( yes this is an exaggerated figure haha) person who asked, no i dun wear make-up to school...n i apologise for my excessive fairness if its botherin u...
but to those who thinks im keeping out of the sun to maintain my fair ah lian cum newly added- bimbo image, i keep out of the sun cos my skin's SENSITIVE and prone to allergies. i'll develop painful n itchy rashes if im too exposed to e sun..
now u know...:) great.
dun misunderstand me anymore. or i use my flaming red nails with gold ring to scratch u. now a newly added alternative u can choose: i get my pink-haired poodle to bite u.
hahaha....
03-1446 without T...
ive just returned from a fren's hall....
when i got into my room, i saw something on my table. its a plate dat saes: BEST BUDDY & ROOMIE....DORLING!
with 2 gals holding hands, in front of a house with our room number.
n i started to cry...cry...non-stop...
my roomie, Tracia has moved out today. leaving me with her food, cleaning stuff, hangers, and dat beautiful plate.... n tons of sweet n unforgettable memories.
ive wanted to update my blog today thanking her for being such a blessing n all, but she updated hers 1st. n i was SO touched by wat she wrote:
"I do feel a tinge of regret after making the decision of moving out of hostel. There's something that can't be explained why i want to move home yet at the same time, it's rather cruel of me to leave my room mate alone in the room and i was quite afraid that the friendship will dampen.Although, it's only two to three months, i feel really close to my room mate, liken to a sister, always there for me. when i was down with food poisoning, she had to suffer with me, waking up at night, staying with a 'vomitting tracia' and bringing me to the doctor. Got a cut and had to make dorling go to the doctor with me in a 'not dorling state'yet again. When i realised i lost my sandals one not so fine morning, i woke her up and she couldn't get back to sleep anymore.so many little and big problems...i feel jus like a naughty troublemaker.But i had real great fun, the nights of chatting and being crazy; sharing of our problems and little secrets...I guess i got to experience hostel living in a different way...getting to know my friends better. Not everyone can have such a amiable relationship with their room mate."
n now e plate. making me so overwhelmingly touched. now i know why dat tym she took e name card from e handpainted ornanments gal at e bazaar n refused to tell y she took her name card for.
gal, u know wat? joel said she feels i love u alot. n u know wat? i reali do...
THANKS for always being there for me, an attentive listener, a caring comforter, n a sweet fren. i NEVER felt i did more for u than wat u did for me. in fact, i think its e other way round. me sometimes eating ur biscuits, borrowing plaster, panadol, n etc. i never know how much i'll miss u. cos when u went home on weekends n i was alone, i never felt lonely. it is only yest i realised its b'cos there's always dis unconscious anticipation of u being back by mon. but now, it hits me fully that i cant anticipate anymore; cos u wont be coming back... n e room is so different...without u...
i wont have e chance to be "boo!" by u again after shower, tease u in ur nightgown n crack lame jokes early in e morn...go fill bottles n do laundry in 'ah sam' attire together, talk abt our day n all sorts of whatnots, getting to know u so well i feel like ive known u all my life, hearing u go 'eeks!' n e look of disgust on ur face whenever u smelled my ginger tea( teh haliah), n saying goodnite to u everi nite b4 i sleep. n so many, so many other happy moments dat seem SO part of daily life, but dat will hardly or wont come by anymore...
yes, u r still around in sch, its not that i wont see u anymore...but its not e same. im not living with u anymore. n i feel like ive lost something.
u know? u r such a BLESSING that GOD had planted so miraculously into my life. e way we got to know each other, e way we became roommates, within 10 mins of knowing each other. i never have any other roomie b4 u, but i know u r one dat ive gotten so close to, n whom i reali treat like a sister rather than just a room co-sharer.
i know u have ur reasons for moving out, n dis post is not to make u feel guilty or anything like dat. i just wanted to tell u how much u have meant to me, n how much ur little acts of love n concern in the last 2 n half months had always touched me. i oso want to let u know dat although we r not roomies anymore, u r still n always my sister, whom i treasured n will continue to cherish n love. may GOD continue to sustain n flourish this beautiful, beautiful frenship we have.
meanwhile, i guess it takes time for me to accustom to a strange, tracia-less room.
cos as i type this, n i turn back to take a look at her side of e room that is all bare n empty, my tears drop again....
bitten by e bug...again
yeah, which bug? the temperamental bug.
again. when is this going to end? someone pass me the insecticide, please...
meanwhile, e people-pleaser bee has stung me yet again...im now dripping with honey... but please be careful, dun take too much of it; its all artificial flavouring...
frens, do u miss me? thanks, dats great. cos im starting to miss myself too.
where is the love...? e black eyed peas crooned....if it doesn't cost much, please add in, my genuinity as well...
really. im myself. n i should reali just be myself. nowadays, im just mostly myself, n some parts not myself.
just trying to see if classical conditioning reali...works.
seems to work fine. maybe i should make a cassette playing just dat self-centred, egocentric word:myself...
n my affable, genuine self may resurface...n kick this current imposter-of-a-me into kallang river...
where is dat ah siao who reali loves ple, n shows it? nowadays, i feel im trying too hard to be myself, till im not myself.sorry to repeat this word "myself" so many times.but im just trying to recall ah siao back...im in such a stupid mood nowadays...gals, i think its cos its e inevitable time of e month? u all bore with me for 3 yrs, now i have to suffer e full brunt of this monthly torturing alone. no minghui or sijie to sayang me, n to sae: it will pass dun worry, we understand...
n even no ah da to give me dat dirty look of "dun use this as an excuse for bad behaviour", presenting me a great opportunity to give her one of my dirty looks as well, for total release. Best part? i know she still loves me, n knows me, n vice-versa... despite e 'dirty n dirtier looks' exchange...
n gals, china black is back in my life again...in n out as he pleases. im stuck.
lin, u rem ur msg: can't u just put aside e whole religion thingy?
but I cant, n i wont. cos GOD is my everything. n i cant n i wont give up everything for him.
sigh. feelings come n go. im counting on dat.
Sad thing..but e good thing is? at least i know i wont be temperamental like dis forever, dat is, till e next nasty monthly cycle comes...maybe i should consider taking primrose oil...does dat help for mood swings?
if there is any guy who reads this, im sorry. ive tried to be subtle.
btw, gals...take good care...n im still ah siao to u all...:)
poison apple juice,anyone?
Im getting real fed up these days. reali.
it is rather uncharacteristic of me to say that, or rather to make such a public statement about it. but some ple r truly harping on my nerves. my inner heart is so ungracious these days, i feel ashamed.
i need to rail n rant. and it boils down to this 'blog or no blog' debate again. i feel that a blog has provided me an outlet to express myself to ...friends. n im real thankful that thru blogging, it has helped me keep in touch with my friends' lives n emotions. that i feel their comforting presence is just nearby...that we r still sharing one another's lives.
however, a blog is...public. there r some stuff that u may wan to share with all, n some that u wan to share only, with a selective group of frens. but that's not possible on blogspot. maybe that indicates i should switch to LJ or just create another blog altogether?
my moods swing high n low unpredictably nowadays, n i hate it. n i hate myself for that too. i reali should have a good, long look at my heart n see what's ailing me. n confess to GOD abt it, and REPENT.
while im blogging, e want to scream at those ple who's torturing me is in full strength; im bursting to let it out...e fav literature words of my ELL classmate rang in my ears: DISGUST. SUFFERING.
great, just e most apt depiction of my irritation now.
GOD, pls forgive me...n please give me back my peace...
To cry is bliss
im now listening to e 2nd track "xia yi ge yong yuan" in Jeff Chang's Chang newest album...i dunno how mani times ive listened to dis album esp this song since my sis bought it...im SO mesmerised... check out this cd frens, u wont regret...i recommend track 5 too -"xiang wo de li you"...if u need a tearjerker, feel free to fill ur ears with these songs...have a generous dose...
i forgot...jay chou's new song "jie kou" is another...pls cry ur heart out with this one...
n if u're a christian, pls include "let YOUR Spirit come"...esp when u r real tired at heart and seek rest...
Im having a cry fest recently...i do sincerely invite all dear frens to join me....go ahead...
I know frens, u all must be thinking, "ah siao is really siao this time..." n maybe i am. i havent cried this much since my Winter Sonata craze ( i know u all rather call it obsession) in poly yr 3...
im getting so good at it; i can cry within 2 mins now...haha...
im HAPPY- i feel ive adapted well to a few changes in my life now...i love my brothers and sisters and my church. n im getting along great with them...i enjoy my new frens' company...they're different, yes...but i love them too...i love my roommate, n my room- its become so pinkish n homely despite my ungifted decorating attempts....im getting to know ppl in my english course better...n i find them more n more adorable....ive my laptop now...n im pleased with it...n i enjoy thoroughly e feel of my canteen at nite...
im happy...but y am i crying?
i guess its what they call 'suppressed feelings' in chinese...when ive a moment of silence...when im alone in e room...when im so sick of my assignments...i turn on my fav music...i read e bible n related books...i look around my room...n i cry...
missing my frens...i just cant help it. just from looking at e photos ive put all over e study desk...i reali miss them...i miss e support they give always...i miss e fun n laughter i had with them...i miss e times when we all did projects, had misunderstandings, were strez but we all stuck it out together...i miss everything about them...i feel veri guilty dat i seems to not have time for them, n other frens now:( jus to ask how they've been, to give them when needed a word of comfort over phone or in person,to laugh over lame jokes n idle talk...
i miss my sis's whining, i miss my mum's blurness n bittergourd soup...i miss watching tv....
my life is so absorbed...i dun even feel like im living in Singapore, i feel like im just living in NTU, as if NTU is a country by itself...sometimes e work n just e feeling of being "cooped' in dat unescapable environment gets to me... like my fren puts it- "living in a jungle, outta touch with civilisation"...im so oppressed, i just feel e need to cry...
sometimes in e midst of actively reacting and adapting to changes in ur environment, u neglect how ya feeling inside...but when u r outta ur life's action n its mechanisms for a while....u look inside...n u feel tired...its not dat u r unhappy...jus dat changes do wear ple out...n i feel time is jus not enough now...for a lot of things...n u miss e prior phrase in ur life, esp if its an enjoyable n memorable one...
so i cry. just to let all out. n i feel so much better after that...im thankful that GOD gave us this ability to cry...e ability is there for a reason. i cry, i pray. n im much much happier.
u feel tired too? please cry. n tell me abt it...i'll pray for u...GOD will give you rest...
take care!!
