self-talk @efanny's

The dislike of involuntary images dat disrupt sleep

woke up approx. 2 hours ago from a bad dream. ok, its not exactly a bad dream, as in its not a nightmare.

but it was a frighteningly sinful dream, to my conscience nevertheless. it was irrational n surreal as a dream should be. yet it was also freakingly congruous to one of my ugly, secret desires, with e dream master playing it out with some inventive twist.

Something from Macbeth keeps repeating in my head; "Stars, hide your fires, let not light see my dark,deep desires."

feeling jittery n guilty over the dream dat i couldnt control, n wanting to forget e shame.

yet, my subconcious mind, with perverse vigor, kept flashing fragments of the dream, with one particular image etched in my mind.

i dislike dreams. there was a peaceful period in my life when i had restful sleep. However, since last year, i have been dreaming far too many times.

now i just feel exhausted every morning from all the 'activity' i did last night.

n talk abt the absurdity of dreams. i dreamt dat i was rushing for a CHINESE assignment the previous night, n i was so stressed cos i did not have the time to finish it.

n i woke up, feeling disoriented, displaced, n disgruntledly depressed. duh.....
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i went to see the doc yesterday. the diagnosis: bout of food poisoning.

n the doc confirmed my 'chronic' gastritis as well. warned me about my meal irregularity. n he said im under stress.

only the start of a new term, n im already under stress? think my stress is self-induced. from my own procrastination, n my highly-strung nature.

i feel yr 2005 hasnt reali started for me. someone, kick me. i need to get down to busines.

posted by efanny @ 10:31 PM