Its all over and over the board. What a drama.
Its strange how I get over it so much faster...
Im still trying to figure out why...
But God, I thank you, cos You're really the peace that guards my heart, my help in times of need.
Anyway, unto another topic. I had a quarrel with my sis today. For the rest of today, I tried to figure out what communication is all about. It seems like sometimes its really not about how hard you try, to a certain extent how the person wants to percieve your intentions are already set in his/her mind. You may be smiling and the person may think you're gloating; you may be trying to keep your voice even but the person may think that you're trying to work up a silent temper.
So in this case, I thought I was calm and just trying to figure out what resulted in the clash of timing. But my sis percieved it as that Im accusing her. And well, there you go.
Anyway, I flared up and yelled back. shucks and sianz. Later, I chose to ignore all her smses, which I know would most probably contain just a tirade of verbal abuse that I don't see the need to subject myself to, and compete who can be more hurtful. The delete button was handy.
Im still struggling. I don't feel like saying sorry at all. I still don't think its my fault. Im holding on to my right selfishly, yes.
Still waiting to be convicted by God to humble myself and reconcile. But God, honestly, its hard.:(
Coming back
Haha. I just can't get into the habit of bloggin at the end of the day.
So yup, Im gonna blog abt yesterday again.
Was a long day, but my kids were really cute. I was trying to teach them the value of balancing work and play, so we did this worksheet on recording the no. of hours they spent on each activity such as working, playing, etc.
They gave funny answers like, "I play only 1 minute a day", and "study 12 hours a day" etc. And I thought, either kids have no life nowadays, or they like to exaggerate the amount of work they do. haha. oh and of course there's also the 3rd possibility; that is, they had no inkling how long an hour or minute is. So I got them to count from 1 to 60 to get the idea. But they insisted they play only 1 minute a day. lol.
So in the end on the column of "What I have learnt", I taught them the good old saying of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", and I got them to substitute their names and gender into the saying, like, " All work and no play makes Desmond a dull boy" and "All work and no play makes Rachel a dull girl", and they really enjoyed that. In fact, they would plead for me to say it out loud, and they get such a laugh out of hearing it aloud. lol. Kids are an easily happy bunch of ple.
There was a networking session after school. So we went to Nan Chiau Primary, and was welcomed into this room that has been really nicely decorated. The room is dark with light sticks, streamers and balloons, nice music in the background, and ple wearing paper crowns. It feels like a Christmas party one would hold in the nineties. haha. a tad cheesy but comfy.
So we played games. And more games. haha. and Eat and eat. There was a game where we have to construct a model of our ideal school, and the model has to be mobile. Reminds me of the tent-making game we played during ACTSCalibre.
So in the end, we 'built' a school using 2 of our guy colleagues as part of the structure and we came up with this:
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Haha, cool right? I quite like it. lol.
After that, was straight to PS for DMM, where we did not discuss what we set out to discuss but talked abt something else impt. Which I felt was crucial and meaningful. Getting late for GAP, so we scuttled off to America Rm at Nexus.
GAP was refreshing for me, where God spoke to remind me what He's been speaking to me for the past few days. About renewing my mind, being others-centred, and giving the rightful throneship to Him. So yup, was refreshed:)
Went for prata after that with some of the ple, but was really tired to say anything. Whole day had resolved to enjoy the ple and things put my way, and I see that the choice to do so, to cherish everything and everyone God has made to pass my way was really good and uplifting, but towards the end of the day, the old me, surfaced. Where I just want to sit there and do nothing. haha.
Change is a gradual thing. I shall be patient with myself, and patient in seeing how God will change me. It is prideful to think I'll be able to change certain habits of lifestyle and intercation within a short period of time, when I have invested the last 20 years in cultivating and feeding them.
But by grace, through faith. Yes, it shall be done.:)
PS: And this is one of the very rare 'narrative' entries of mine, instead of one filled with abstract metaphors. So others-centered. haha!
Life is great!
Okies, this is abt yesterday. But didn't get it done. haha.
So and then. Anyway, this entry is not about Great Eastern either, though the title is 'koped' from them. haha.
Had a great day. I went joggin, and I jogged 2 rounds of 1.6km instead of one. A breakthrough! That makes 3.2 km to my mileage yesterday. haha. Gonna do that again today.
Had a time of refreshment with God. Ni is right. Meet Him with anticipation but without expectation He must speak to me abt the things I came to Him with. Cos what I deem as pressing on my mind may not be what God thinks is the root issue.
In fact if I just come before Him with an open heart, He speaks, showing me answers that will free my soul.
So yup. will feel something here and there, yes. Even as I was walking, or in the middle of marking. But its okie, when I stem the thoughts and feelings in time, and exchange them for God's peace, Im okie.:)
But I look forward to being not just okie, but feeling great.:)
Im gonna enjoy...serving others, the ple around me and things put my way.:)
So yup.:)
Foolish me
I remember the last time I talked about a hurting heart, its 1 yr and 5 months ago. And at that time, I was already in the midst of healing.
I took about a slow 6 months to be released from my pain, and a total of 1 year to fully make sense.
Counting, this means the last time I hurt this much was about 2 years ago.
Now it hurts. all over again.
But maybe this time round, I'll take a shorter time to be on the rebound.
I must. Mustn't I? If my stupidity has cost me, at least I should make sure this time round, I remain a fool for a shorter period of time.
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