the truth about understanding
I got back my Xray results today. Praise GOD, there's nothing wrong with my spine. just veri weak back muscles, n I was asked to go for physiotherapy, which I declined...cos Im too lazy for regular sessions....hahaha
I admitted that as I was waiting for my turn in the now-posh-but-brain-freezingly-cold polyclinic, absurd thoughts like, "what if its cancer?' or "what if i have a rare spinal virus invasion (btw there's no such condition, lol) that will cause gradual paralysis?" etc were swimming at the top of my head, and these little fishes of thought were making my head tickle with discomfort with their idle splish-splashes.
waiting for my turn.
then these fishes of thought decided to jump out from my head aka their fishbowl to dance in front of my eyes....transfiguring from fishes to people I know: my mother stricken by news of my cancer, my friends horrified at how the spinal virus has consumed me, myself discussing with my sis how to break the news, my dad's fish flashing me ill-omened encoded messages of "u r dead" from its shiny scales.... gasp!
still waiting for my turn.
Weakened by terrible hunger, cold and of course, absurd scary thoughts. lol.
n why did I have to wait for such a ridiculously long time?
because the doc forgot to press my queue tic no.
n i got rather uncharacteristically indignant and highly...annoyed.
n why did i get uncharac...........................blah blah.............annoyed?
because it has been a vexatious wait (ok its my own fault for carryin my tots too far n emotionally torment myself.)
but then hor, that's not the real reason.
the real reason is, instead of apologising, the doc's assistant came and tell me pompously,
"doc call u, y u neber come in???"
"now u sit and wait again. later doc call u, u beta come in."
*fuming*
ok, i think im giving u too much of a blow by blow account.
so to end it, I was pissed. n when it was finally my turn, I couldn't smile at the doc. I tried to, cos I reali wanted to empathise with her; I mean, she didn't do that on purpose...ok resolve to smile...resolve...
but when I went in, like her assistant, she didn't apologise either! n she wasn't smiling too.
all resolve melted faster than ice-cream under the red hot sun. plus 2 headlights over it.
urgh. n so i put on my most unsmiling paralysed facial muscle look.
n u know wat, this is reali a dog-eat-dog world.
as she marvelled and grew in fear at that look on my face, she started to smile back, even though it looked like a case of facial cramps...but it was a smile alrite.
she maintained her cramp session, i mean, smile from then throughout. n I maintained my paralysed act.
urgh. why are people like that one????
now, if I had gone in smiling as the better half of me would, she would have walked all over me machiam Im her non-existant doormat.
but too bad for her, Miss Hyde was on the loose instead and she kena-ed it full strength.
u know wat? I reali want to show understanding and empathy towards her. reali. she is human, and she must be veri tired and hungry too, i guess after so many patients. esp, with alot of impatient elderly patients who kept popping their heads into her door to ask to jump queue. or those who walked in even before she pressed their no...u know, those who immediately walked in after the previous patient has just popped his ass out...n she must also have disliked her pompous assistant (i hope).
but...Im also only human. and at that point of time, I was a human under certain..er..strain and torment. I was so hungry; my gastric was acting up, and I was so cold, my hands were trembling, n u know wat? I was even starting to jerk involuntarily.
n the tv in the waiting area was spoilt.
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*Everyone seeks to be understood. but does anyone seek to understand? To want to understand another's head and heart ensures the person that u care and that he/she is important; his/her ideas matter and his/her emotions are not left unnoticed. To want, and to try to understand another is the most direct and a most touching expression of love. It just tells the person: YOU matter to me.*
This is something I wrote in my own journal some time ago.
I din follow it in the polyclinic. sorry, I will try harder next time round...i promise.
slightly off the point...just a thought off the top of my head again:
Don't always think people should understand u; "u should have known my temper/dislikes/pattern/wat my cat eats by now, and accept/give in to me."
or they should understand how u expect them to behave or react; "they should have understood this or understood that, I expect them to behave/react in this blah blah blah fashion. don't they know better what to expect in worklife/social situations/projects/a birthday cracker???"
Maybe, just maybe,
if we try our best to put our damn ass-ing, oops i mean, assuming aside, we'll become happier?
**Disclaimer: btw, take note that I dun always practise what I preach. hahaha, but the difference lies in that at least im willing to try/attempting to try/contemplating to attempt to willingly try....er, most of the time. when Miss Jekyll runs the business n calls the shots.
But as u can see from this ridiculously long n sarcastic entry, Miss Hyde is a-peeping now...
hahahaha....
